This Reddit user turns to the community as her sounding board when she decides to retain her mom as the Mother of the Bride. However, her dad, stepmom, and family are against her decision.
A Dysfunctional Family
All kids deserve a complete home. Sadly, OP (Original Poster) didn’t have that kind of childhood.
Her parents divorced when she was five, and her father remarried her stepmom when she was six.
Big Shoes to Fill In
Her stepmom did all she could to try to replace OP’s mom in her heart. OP’s dad also supported this and tried various ways to make them spend some time together.
Mother and Daughter Dates
At times, they would involve her mom in it, asking her to let OP go somewhere with the couple. There were also occasions when they tried to make her celebrate Mother’s Day with them.
A Pained Heart
Through the years, OP learned how to read her mother’s feelings. She knew what her dad and stepmom were doing hurt her, but her mom never said anything to discourage her from doing what she wanted.
Looking Through Your Eyes
The bride-to-be knew how much everything had hurt her mom, even if she didn’t say anything. She mentioned, “There are always ways to tell if you know someone well enough and pay enough attention.”
OP also reiterates that her mom never said or did anything against her dad and stepmom throughout the years.
Building a Relationship
Though OP’s mom never said anything, she knew her mom was suffering. She believes this is why she doesn’t have a close relationship with her stepmom.
They are not close, but she doesn’t hate or view her as nothing. It’s just that she can’t accept her as a replacement for her mom.
Planning for the Big Day
Now that OP’s getting married, she wants a piece of her mom with her. She wants certain parts of the wedding planning to be about her and her mom.
A Special Bond With Mom
The time she spends with her mom is a big deal for OP. She wants her mom to have something—a memory—that is hers alone and is not shared with her stepmom.
OP didn’t consider this a big deal—not until relatives from her dad’s side called her stepmom the Mother of the Bride on social media.
Dress shopping and other wedding planning stuff were things OP wanted to reserve for her mom and her. However, things started to go awry when her grandma and great-aunt on her dad’s side commented that doing those things together would be an excellent experience for her and her stepmom.
Upon seeing their comments online, OP immediately went to see her stepmom and dad to talk to them about the situation. She mentioned wanting her mom to be labeled the Mother of the Bride.
Drawing a Fine Line
OP continued, mentioning that she didn’t want her stepmom to be doing the traditional things the Mother of the Bride would do. This included dress shopping and more.
Figuring Something Else Out
Instead, OP told her that they could figure something else out that they could do together. She also asked if there was something else that she specifically wanted to tag along for, like shopping for wedding flowers.
Breaking a Stepmom’s Heart
Hearing about OP’s decision, her stepmom instantly felt down. She asked OP why she couldn’t have the title of the Second Mother of the Bride.
However, the bride-to-be was already sure of her decision. She told her again that it was just for her and her mom.
Dad’s Unsolicited Opinions
OP’s dad interjected and told her he was sure his mom wouldn’t mind. He continued and said he was certain her mom would want both moms to be by her side on her wedding day.
However, OP knew he was wrong and told him just that.
OP told her dad that her mom only ever agreed to their requests because she knew that, in the long run, it was the right thing to do. Nevertheless, it hurt her mom.
Her dad was surprised at the revelation and asked OP how she found out about it. OP told her dad she was close with her mom, and that’s how she knew her true feelings.
It turns out that OP’s dad thought her mom was a perfect person and parent. Her dad believed her mom was too perfect, that he couldn’t keep up with her, and that he was envious of her.
OP’s dad said it was the main reason for their divorce.
Angered by what her dad said, OP told him nobody could ever be perfect. Following that, she stated that it was uncalled for and unfair for his dad to think her mom was perfect, too.
If the Roles Were Reversed
OP also asked her dad if he would be happy to share his spot at the wedding, and he said no. However, he still thought her mom would be better than him and would accept it.
Left With Bitter Feelings
After the ordeal, OP knew and felt that her dad and stepmom were feeling bad about the situation. However, for them, and especially for her stepmom, it was still about the fact that she won’t be considered the Mother of the Bride.
Can Never Be Replaced
OP’s stepmom said she was upset that she still couldn’t be on the same level as her mom. She felt OP couldn’t give her the love and respect she deserved, even after all their years together.
Mom’s True Feelings
The bride-to-be also mentioned that she had discussed the topic with her mom before. Her mom said that she never admitted what she truly felt but only wanted the best for her child.
Her mom wanted her to be happy at all costs. Her mom’s best friend confirmed this, too.
Narcissistic Points of View
OP feels it might be a selfish decision to shun her stepmom and choose her mom. However, Redditors disagreed; one even told her that it was selfish for her dad and stepmom to think that way.
The user said, “It’s incredibly narcissistic for your father and your stepmom to think that she is going to serve in the role of your mother for your wedding preparations when you have a living mom that you are close to.”
Standing Your Ground
A Redditor also advised her not to let anyone walk all over her and her decision. The user said, “You and your mother are not the problem here.”
After all, it’s OP’s wedding, and if she wants her mom to take her rightful place beside her, then it’s 100% her choice.
Mom Deserves It
People all sided with her decision, and a user said, “Your mom was painfully gracious about it your whole life, and it’s only fair that she gets to have this with you.”
Blended families can get complicated; we all understand OP and her mom’s struggles. How do you feel about this whole ordeal, and what do you have to say to this bride-to-be?
This post first appeared as Bride-To-Be Chooses Her Mom Over Her Stepmom; Dad Wants to Change Her Mind but Ends up Trying to Blackmail Her Emotionally on Quote Ambition.