This Redditor is being pulled left and right between his family and fiancé when his mom tries to make them break up. He banned her from the wedding but is still feeling lost and confused.
The Woman of His Dreams
OP (Original Poster) is a 25-year-old male soon getting married to the love of his life, Maya, a 24-year-old woman.
How They Met
OP is an American, but six years ago, he moved to Norway when he was 19 to study. He went to college there and mentioned he was lucky enough to get a good education without paying an arm and a leg.
This is where he met his soon-to-be wife.
He and his fiancé, Maya, met when he was 20 and have been together ever since. Recently, they decided to tie the knot!
They plan to have their wedding this coming fall of 2023.
Bearer of Good News?
OP wanted to tell his family about the next chapter of his life face to face. So, he and Maya planned to visit his hometown to announce the good news.
Meeting the Family
Per OP, this is only Maya’s third time meeting his parents. However, it was her first time meeting his distant relatives, and it was quite a big deal for them.
OP has a 57-year-old aunt named Debra, and the couple’s nuptials were announced in her house.
For the most part, OP’s family was excited and ecstatic about their wedding. However, it was different for OP’s mom, Aunt Debra, and another aunt.
OP didn’t think much about the looks the three women were giving them initially. However, as dinner progressed, Maya approached him to tell him she was feeling uncomfortable.
OP mentioned that Maya is shy and not very good with her English. So, when it’s only the two of them talking, they usually converse in Norwegian.
Chills Running Down His Spine
Although that’s the case, Maya does her best to speak with OP’s family in English whenever they are talking. However, in time, OP felt chills whenever he saw his mom glaring at them while they spoke in Norwegian.
OP left the table for a bit and approached his dad. He told him about what his mom was doing.
However, his dad shrugged and said, “You know how your mom gets with women you’re seeing. Don’t worry about it; she’s just upset to see that her son is putting roots down an ocean away.”
Couldn’t Be More Wrong
Unfortunately, OP’s dad was wrong, and things took a turn for the worse when his mom gave them a toast during dinner.
She said, “Cheers to my son and his fiancé; she may not be the best woman for him, but I’m sure he’ll realize that once he sees what a slut and gold digger she is. Or maybe she’ll grow a conscience and save him from himself. Cheers.”
Tears, Silence, and Snickers
After her toast, Maya rushed out of the room while crying, and everyone else at the table remained quiet.
There was a pregnant pause in the room, and you could only hear OP’s mom and his aunts snickering.
Understandably, OP was raging mad.
He said, “You realize that the choice for who the most important woman in my life is hasn’t had you in the running for nearly a decade. I actually love her and would choose a kick to the nuts over you. The three of you aren’t welcome at the wedding, and Maya and I will be staying at a hotel for the rest of our time here.”
Shielding Her From the Pain
OP feels terrible for putting his fiancé through that kind of hurt, and he especially doesn’t want her to feel that way during their big day. After all, their wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives.
Was He Unreasonable?
He wants to stand his ground, but the pressure is on for OP. He’s been getting numerous calls talking about how unreasonable he was.
Some even gave excuses for his mom and told him she was just drunk.
Sister’s Point of View
OP’s sister, who was not in contact with their mom, also called him and told him that he “royally f*cked up” and that he most probably destroyed his relationship with their family—at least on their mother’s side.
She told him that he had burnt bridges with his family.
No End to People’s Comments
People from his mom’s side also bombarded him with their opinions. They said they wouldn’t attend his wedding if he didn’t invite his mom and other aunts again.
Sadly, OP’s dad also told him that though he wanted to be there for him during the wedding, he won’t go without his wife.
What Should He Do?
OP was open about all of this with Maya. She said the decision was up to him since it was his family members.
However, he also knows that, deep down, she doesn’t want them there.
To make things more transparent for the community, OP has added several edits to his post.
In one of his edits, he clarifies that his sister is not taking their mother’s side. She knew that OP wanted his family to be present on his wedding day, and doing that to their mother meant their father wouldn’t attend the ceremony.
When OP first shared his story without adding his edits, many people wanted him to cut ties with his father.
People wanted OP to open his eyes to the fact that his father was an enabler. One said, “It’s not that he ‘can’t’ go if the mother isn’t invited—it’s that he ‘won’t’ go; it’s a choice.”
Reading people’s comments about his dad, he clarified that he loved his father and he was an important part of his life. However, he did gain some insights that allowed him to openly discuss things with his father.
OP and Maya agreed that, because OP truly cares about his dad and his presence, they would give him a choice as to whether or not he wants to be part of OP’s life moving forward.
Conversation Between Father and Son
OP acted on the community’s suggestions and reached out to his dad. He hopes that the conversation starters he got from the community would help his father see his side.
OP was also hopeful that his dad was open to what he had to say. He wanted him to see his mom’s toxic tendencies regarding the wedding and how he and his sister were treated before.
Blessings Are Important
OP also adds that the wedding is set to happen in Maya’s hometown, and elopement is not an option. This is precisely why they are trying so hard to mend the rift in the family.
It’s essential for the couple that the people they love the most support them on their special day.
OP also added an edit to keep the community looped in on what he and his father discussed. He mentioned that his dad denied his mother’s wrongdoing for years because he felt like he would be a failure if he had a divorce.
OP’s dad thinks standing up to his wife immediately equates to a separation. However, he did apologize to OP and his sister.
The Conflict in His Eyes
OP didn’t accept his dad’s apology immediately. Instead, he told him he would only accept his apology if “he strapped his balls back on and chooses his kids over his wife.”
Sadly, his father was conflicted, and he still hesitated.
Almost Caving In
OP saw how much everything hurt his dad, and he almost caved in. However, before he allowed himself to go down that road, he stood up and reminded his dad that, “He knows where his balls are, how to contact me, and that only he knows what he really wants; all he needs to do is let me know before the wedding.”
OP is hopeful but is still not sure about what will happen.
Your Mom Is a Freak!
The community says it’s only right that he put his mom and aunts in line.
One said, “If she regrets it now and wants to build a new bridge to replace the one she burned, she should get crackalackin’ on figuring out how she will apologize and make amends to Maya.”
This Is Reality
People tried to comfort OP and said it was sad that some people couldn’t see all the toxicity. Even so, they remind him to stand his ground.
A commenter said, “It’s pretty simple: don’t bother inviting people who are so disrespectful—and unkind—to someone you hope to spend your life with.”
Move Far Away From Toxicity
There’s no contesting the kind of toxic behavior OP just went through. It would be challenging, but Redditors advise him to stick with his decision because he did nothing wrong; his family needs to do something about the wrongs they’ve done.
Would you do anything differently? How would you comfort OP and Maya?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Mom and Aunts From His Wedding After They Disgraced His Fiancé Publicly During a Family Dinner on Quote Ambition.