This Redditor wants to get the community’s take on an issue he recently faced with his sister humiliating his transgender daughter. Was he wrong to storm out of the house because of what she did?
OP (Original Poster) is a single dad to a 17-year-old transgender daughter named Alexis. She came out two years ago, and though her dad wholly accepted her, the adjustment wasn’t that easy for the older people in their family, especially OP’s grandma, a 90-year-old with mild dementia.
Happy Birthday, Alexis!
OP’s daughter recently celebrated her 17th birthday. He mentioned that she had a full day of fun with her friends on her birthday.
However, OP’s sister, who lived with his grandma and is considered her primary carer, reached out to him and said it might be a good idea to celebrate at their grandma’s house, too. Alexis also thought it was a great idea, so they agreed.
An Enjoyable Birthday Party
OP mentioned that overall, the party was going as great as could be—until it was time to take out the cake.
He shared that his grandma had a passion for baking, and even at her age and in her condition, she still bakes and decorates cakes for family gatherings. She also takes a lot of pride in her work!
Here Comes the Cake
His sister brought out the cake their grandmother had baked. However, when she placed it on the table, everyone was shocked by what was written on it.
The cake said, “Happy Birthday, [Deadname]!”
Couldn’t Take It
Immediately, Alexis felt terrible. She started crying, and OP gathered their things and quickly left his grandmother’s house.
That night, OP did all he could to comfort his daughter. They had ice cream and icebox cake and watched her favorite movie until she calmed down.
Phone Blowing Up
While comforting his daughter, he noticed his phone was blowing up with messages from his sister. However, he wanted to put all of his focus on Alexis, so he muted the phone.
When Alexis felt better and left to play games, OP checked his phone.
A Plethora of Messages
OP mentioned his sister’s first few messages were relatively normal, given the occasion. She asked things like, “Is she okay? Will you guys be coming back?”
However, it soon moved on to messages like Alexis was “being ungrateful and unstable.”
Putting the Blame on Dear Grandma
OP’s sister didn’t stop there. She did all she could to wash her hands clean.
She said, “Alexis should’ve put on a smile because grandma worked so hard on the cake, and it isn’t my grandma’s fault she’s old.”
No Time for Drama
Having had enough, OP replied and told his sister that Alexis wasn’t up for spending more time with family for the day. He also said that what his sister said was horrible.
Then, his sister replied with a “K.”
Support From the Family
Thankfully, most of OP’s family members are on his side. However, the same could not be said about his sister and grandma, as he’s been getting their silent treatment ever since the issue blew up.
OP ended by saying that he’ll reach out to his grandmother soon so they could talk about her side of the story.
He also reiterated to everyone thinking badly about his daughter that, “She’s my girl, and I love and support her no matter what—end of story.”
Insights From Redditors
Many people were left dumbfounded by the fact that OP’s sister would blame their 90-year-old grandmother with dementia.
A top commenter even said, “Let me get this straight—your sister wants you to believe that this was wholly the doing of the 90-year-old with dementia? As a caretaker of a 90-year-old with dementia, she felt solo baking was cool? Well, happy birthday to you, too, OP, ’cause clearly, your sister thinks you were born yesterday.”
Redditors also said that if OP’s sister were genuine, she could have easily corrected their grandmother’s mistake.
A Redditor shared, “Even if they did magically trust her to bake solely on her own, it is not even vaguely difficult to wipe away the frosting with the deadname and say, ‘Sorry, grandma; she changed her name, remember?’ Or, ‘It’s actually Alexis’s birthday today. Let’s rewrite it; she’ll never notice.’”
Everything aside, people commended OP for supporting Alexis through everything. One said, “Your daughter is really lucky to have a supportive dad.”
Another commented, “I applaud you. I’m a transwoman too, and this kind of support from a parent means more than you know. Getting your daughter out of there was the best thing you could have done for her.”
How Would You React?
If you were Alexis’s parent, what would you do if faced with the same scenario as OP? What would you tell your sister?
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