Vicky Pattison reveals her fear that she would follow in the direction of her alcoholic father

Vicky Pattison has opened up about her father’s battle with alcoholism, and her own, revealing her fear that she would fall into the same trap.

The former Geordie Shore star, 34, was known for binge drinking and wild nights on the reality show, and shared that looking back she is ‘mortified’ and was ‘never a nice drunk’. 

Vicky also recalled contemplating suicide during her stint on the show, with the humiliation overtaking. 

Opening up: Vicky Pattison, 34, has revealed her fear that she would follow in the direction of her alcoholic father… as she recalls contemplating suicide during while appearing on rowdy Geordie Shore

Talking candidly to The Times, she explained that having grown up with an alcoholic father –  binge drinking in her youth hit home a lot harder for her than it did for her party loving counterparts.

Sharing that her dad, John, who is now in remission, has suffered two heart attacks, a stroke and cancer of the mouth – Vicky also recalls being used as a ‘human walking stick’ while supporting him home from a party.

She shared: ‘I was always begging Dad to stop. He’s tried rehab, AA. He’d get hospitalised to dry out, but he’d start again.

Struggles: Sharing that her dad, John (pictured centre) who is now in remission, has suffered two heart attacks, a stroke and cancer of the mouth – Vicky also recalls being used as a ‘human walking stick’ while supporting him home from a party

Rowdy: Joining the scandalous cast of Geordie Shore in 2011, at just 22, she admitted that she was ‘unable to stop after a few drinks’ like others were, leading her into dangerous situations (pictured on the show)

‘The boys didn’t want to knock on my door because Dad could be scary. I didn’t want to be like him. But at points, I’ve been exactly like him,’ explains Vicky.

Joining the scandalous cast of Geordie Shore in 2011 at just 22, she admitted that she was ‘unable to stop after a few drinks’ like others were, leading her into dangerous situations.

‘Loads of people on the show had a really nice time and became funny and silly and then stopped. That was never me. I don’t have an off switch and I was never a nice drunk. 

No off switch: ‘Loads of people on the show had a really nice time and became funny and silly and then stopped. That was never me. I don’t have an off switch and I was never a nice drunk (L-R) Back row: Greg Lake, Jay Gardner, Gaz Beadle, James Tindle / Front row: Charlotte Crosby, Vicky Pattison, Holly Hagan and Sophie Kasaei

Vicky continued: ‘I drank to excess and drank dangerous amounts’ (pictured with Holly Hagan and Ricci Guarnaccio in 2012)

‘You get sloppy drunks, weepy drunks, aggressive drunks – I was all of them. I never wanted the party to stop but I’d be shouting, belligerent. I drank to excess and drank dangerous amounts,’ she told the publication.

The influencer now struggles to watch old scenes of her on the show, admitting she wasn’t herself and felt the need to play up to the party girl character. 

Vicky has previously opened up about contemplating suicide after she was arrested in 2013, writing that ‘I had lost everything I had going for me and didn’t want to live anymore’ in her 2014 book Nothing But The Truth.

The suicidal feelings came after she was charged for two counts of assault for drunkenly throwing a shoe at a woman in a bar – injuring all parties involved.

Mortified: She admits to being ‘mortified’ when watching scenes from Geordie Shore, unsure whether she ‘blocked them out or can’t remember them because of the drink’ (pictured on the show)

Depression: Vicky has previously opened up about contemplating suicide after she was arrested in 2013, writing that ‘I had lost everything I had going for me and didn’t want to live anymore’ in her 2014 book Nothing But The Truth

Vicky was ordered to undertake 180 hours of community service and pay compensation to the woman and a staff member, who was caught in the crossfire.

She explained to The Times that both her sister and a friend helped her through the time, and has since, and continues to, receive therapy.

Appearing on Loose Women back in 2016, Vicky admitted she didn’t want kids and that they ‘aren’t for everyone’, before later telling the Daily Star that kids  ‘get on my t**s’.

But Vicky made the decision to freeze her eggs earlier this year as she hopes to have children with fiancé Ercan Ramadan- and has now revealed the real reason she didn’t want to become a mother.

‘Doesn’t see it’: Appearing on Loose Women back in 2016, Vicky admitted she didn’t want kids and that they ‘aren’t for everyone’, before later telling the Daily Star that kids ‘get on my t**s’.

Change of heart: But, Vicky made the decision to freeze her eggs earlier this year as she hopes to have children with fiancé Ercan Ramadan 

Admitting she was afraid that addiction was too genetic, she explained: ‘The real reason was because I had all my dad’s issues and hang-ups and addictions, and I was so frightened my children would end up like me: broken.’

While also detailing that not being able to drink while pregnant was unimaginable for her a few years ago, but is easier to imagine now.

Vicky is set to delve deeper into her past and family in her new Channel 4 documentary My Dad, Alcohol and Me.

For help and confidential support regarding anything in this story, call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit https://www.samaritans.org/ 

Taking the plunge: Admitting the real reason she previously didn’t want kids, she explained: ‘The real reason was because I had all my dad’s issues and hang-ups and addictions, and I was so frightened my children would end up like me: broken’